Not today… maybe I’ll be motivated tomorrow

Our minds are endlessly inventive when it comes to influencing what we actually do. For

instance, my mind might come up with the thought ‘don’t exercise today, it’s too cold’ or ‘I

will do that tomorrow; today I’m just not motivated’.

What is motivation? Sometimes we act as though it is something tangible that we can

somehow magically increase if we just get the right information. The Collins dictionary says

that motivation is ‘desire to do; interest or drive’. We can have competing desires for

different things. I may not be motivated right now to head out into the cold with running

gear on, but perhaps I am very motivated to sit on the couch and binge watch a favourite

program. The desires are competing, and one desire will triumph in any given moment and

lead to an action.

We sometimes say ‘I don’t feel motivated’, which implies that we only have the desire (the

motivation) to take a certain action when we feel good or inspired or positive. Conversely, if

we don’t feel good about doing that action, we say ‘I don’t feel motivated’.

The problem with waiting until we feel positive or motivated before acting, is that we can

get stuck in a holding pattern for a very long time, essentially doing nothing but…waiting. I

don’t know about you, but I find that time spent waiting for a certain feeling to arrive before

taking action doesn’t fit so well with building a life that I want to live.

To break this holding pattern, we need to turn the whole thing on its head and do the

opposite. So instead of waiting for certain feelings to arise before acting, we need to take

action regardless. For example, if I wait indoors all winter to feel motivated to exercise, and

it doesn’t happen, I won’t get any closer to my goal of getting fit enough to run a half-

marathon. But if I break down my goal to small, achievable actions, and take those actions

consistently and with persistence, I’m likely to achieve my goal and, as a bonus, the feelings

of motivation to keep running are more likely to develop.

An essential factor here is willingness. If I say ‘I’m not motivated’, what I really mean is that I

have some desire to do it but I’m not willing to take the action unless I feel ‘in the mood’

and positive about it. In other words, my motivation (desire) to avoid the discomfort of

getting out and running triumphs over my motivation to improve my fitness.

Why should we do the hard work? We can probably all relate to the long-term impact of

ignoring what’s important to us in the interests of staying comfortable and non-committal in

the short term. What happens is, the short term starts to become the long term. The days of

opting out of a meaningful life become weeks, then turn into months and eventually, years.

Do we want to get near the end of our lives before realising we’ve lost years in waiting for

feelings of motivation to arrive to do the things that really matter to us?

There’s a catch here: the feelings we have are largely out of our control. Feelings tend to

come and go, often quite quickly, a bit like the weather. Only taking action when a certain

feeling is present is like only getting out of bed on the days on which the sun is shining and

the temperature is in the mid-20s. That leaves a lot of days in which we would do nothing

because the ‘weather’ (feelings) weren’t the ‘right’ ones.

We may not be able to control our feelings, but we can control the committed actions we

take. There are many strategies to help with this, but a good starting point is giving some

thought to what’s important enough to you that you would be willing to feel some

discomfort while taking action towards it. For example, if a person wants to get fit so they

can kick the football with their children without wheezing dangerously, then getting in

touch with those important reasons will build the willingness to, for example, feel the

discomfort of getting up out of bed an hour early three mornings a week to go jogging.

Research shows that a life spent avoiding discomfort tends to be far less rewarding in the

long term than acting on our values, that is, the things that are important to us at a deep

level. If you know why you’re doing the thing that invokes some discomfort, then you can do

what it takes to reach your goals. Yes, even when you don’t feel like doing it….

There are strategies for better managing the discomfort, and for clarifying what’s important

to you, both of which help you to take action in the direction that’s important to you. Like

everything worthwhile, it takes learning and practice, which can be guided through therapy.

For now, just notice what your mind tells you when it starts trotting out the ‘I’m not

motivated…’ line, and know that you can allow it to say that, even as you lace up your

running shoes…